redrighthanded | IC; Duplicity Inbox

[ He'd pull the clothes off later, probably, once the radiator that is Hellboy has taken off the chill, but not yet. Right now he needs them, needs the insulation they offer, and more importantly, he doesn't want to waste the time shedding layers when he could be under the covers and pressed up against Hellboy's side. The fact the big man is still semi-awake is reassuring too- obviously, he didn't stay up waiting for Jacob to get back, but the fact he isn't dead to the world does make Jacob grin just a little.]

Do you mean did I cause any, or did any happen to me?

[He answers quickly, mouth running away from him before his brain can get a look in, and perhaps that's for the best. It's late, Hellboy is clearly tired, and this is probably not the right time to have this conversation. It's not urgent, it's not life-threatening, and maybe by morning Jacob will have worked out some way of phrasing it that is better than You remember that incident in the market? Haha of course you do, how could you forget, sorry. Well, that blond guy wants to be my dom haha and I said yes.

Not that he plans to actually say those words, but he can't help but feel that is exactly how it will come across. And he doesn't want that. The last thing in the world he wants is for Hellboy to feel like that. To feel that Jacob is abandoning him. He isn't. Nor does he feel anything but safe here, with his head cradled on Hellboy's massive right bicep, his left hand on Jacob's ribs. Mirroring that, Jacob's own hand lifts, resting against ]

There's... just something you need to know, in the morning.

[ Hellboy's sleepy enough that it takes him a moment to realise that Jacob is nervous, almost babbling his reply. That's interesting and concerning enough to draw him more out of his drowsy state, blinking his eyes open to focus on the younger man, a faint frown appearing on his expression as he studies him.

He can feel Jacob's heartbeat somewhere under the spread of his fingers and the chilled fabric, the rise and fall of his breathing as he tries to settle whatever's going on. Rubbing him gently, he makes a thoughtful noise in the back of his throat. ]

In the morning? Not now?

[ Jacob would have liked to think none of his nervousness was at all obvious, but when pressed up close to a man who he's shared a bed with for several weeks now... perhaps he is more transparent than he thought. Perhaps Hellboy just knows his tells by now.

But he feels guilty about the fact that Hellboy is now awake, and he has to tell him and he hasn't had time to work out how, exactly.]

You were falling asleep luv. I didn't mean to wake you.

[ He leans in and presses his lips against the bare skin of Hellboy's shoulder, putting it off as long as he can.]

[ Hellboy draws in a breath when Jacob's mouth grazes across his skin. He's been hesitant about that sort of thing since the day with Anduin, hesitant to get back to that place with Jacob that they'd enjoyed so freely until that fateful moment. As it is, the touch feels more intimate than it might normally, now he's been denying himself something he's only recently discovered.

He shifts slightly, turning his head and nudging his nose into Jacob's hair, taking in the breath of the city at night still clinging to him, along with his own unique scent, damp wool and leather and soap. ]

Yeah, well.. [ His left hand slides down over Jacob's side. ] I'm awake now.

[ It's intimate without the fire of desire behind it, still warm with affection even so. It's how so many of these recent nights have panned out, the possibility for sex there, unspoken, and in place of all that flirtation, just careful touches and gentle kisses. Jacob can't deny he misses the sex, but it's not the be all and end all. He wants Hellboy to work through what he needs to, take the time to get back on the proverbial horse.

He stays like that a moment, Hellboy's face turned into his hair,
his own against his shoulder. Trying to record every detail to memory, the pace of Hellboy's breath and the tempo of his heart and the vague hint of peanut on his skin. If it all goes tits up, he can keep this. ]

Anduin has asked me to be his submissive. I... I said yes, provisionally. We've only got a few weeks left to find someone and I know you've got some options... but I don't want to leave you here.

[ Hellboy pulls back a little at that, enough to be able to look down at Jacob. He's not all that surprised, given what he knows about their relationship, though it's not exactly what he expected to be hearing about when Jacob climbed into bed with him. ]

Oh. [ He frowns, thinking through the conflicting emotions that have unfolded inside him at the idea of Jacob finding somewhere else to be, someone else to depend on. He's glad it's Anduin, at least, since the guy seems so decent, and unlikely to hurt him. But there's the reminder that neither of them are truly free, here. That the small island of independence they've been holding on to is starting to disappear. And that he'll have to decide for himself, soon, or face the consequences. Past that thought looms a dark pit, full of fire.

He marshals those feelings away, concentrating on the one he knows Jacob needs most. ]

Well, you coulda done worse. [ The joke doesn't go as far as he'd hoped. He swallows and tries again, lifting his hand to slide his thumb over Jacob's cheek. ] Guess it's gotta happen sometime. You don't have to worry about me.

I could have picked Tim Stoker.

[It's a poor joke, but Jacob knows what Hellboy is trying to do. This wasn't what he'd expected going over to Anduin's place, otherwise they could have talked about it then, he could have gotten them both used to the idea. He wants to do it, he wants to contract with Anduin, but he doesn't want to leave Hellboy behind.

He curls a little closer, pressing himself tightly up against the other man's side.]

I am going to worry about you. Nothing is going to stop me. You're... special, you know that? Don't laugh. You know what I mean. Since I met you, I haven't really stopped thinking about you.

[He sighs, breath coming out in a rush against Hellboy's skin.]

I'd take you with me, but I think... there's doms that you probably have a closer connection with already.

Mm. I guess.

[ Hellboy welcomes Jacob as he tucks himself in closer, thinking it over. The younger man is right of course, it's not as if he's hidden how much time he's been spending with Harley. But it's not just that. ]

Dunno if I'd have.. if I could've said yes to that, anyhow. [ He lets out a breath, setting his head back against the pillows to gaze up at the dark ceiling. ] Anduin's a good kid, but after all that stuff happened, I think we both gotta have some space.

[ He lapses into silence for a moment before continuing. ] I told him if it happens again, I want him to put me down. No questions asked. He agreed to it.

I know. It wouldn't be fair on either of you.

[And he hates the fact the city has done this, made life hard for them, hurt two people he cares about, two people that despite having different natures, could have gotten along very well. He knows that it might well be a selfish desire, to see his friends all get along, to be at the center of something supportive and good for once, and with Vrenille and Hellboy meeting as they had, he'd hoped there could be more like that.

But the city had put pay to that.

He settles, quietly for a moment, listening to Hellboy's words and the beat of his heart, the familiar noises of the room, the drip of some leak in the roof, the wind against the wind, the wooden floor creak as it expanded and contracted with the cold. It might be a dump, but he wasn't ready to give it up.

But Hellboy's next words have Jacob sitting up in bed, the very thought of it making his blood boil and rage course through him, unable to believe that he's just heard. ]

Put you down? Like a dog? Kill you?

Whoa, hey -- [ Hellboy reaches out with his left hand, seeking Jacob's arm as the younger man starts up. He didn't expect him to take that comment well, but there's a weary practicality in his gaze as he studies Jacob in the midnight gloom. ]

Doesn't have to kill me. But yeah, maybe. [ He says the words like they're easy, a cold hard reality he's faced before and will do so again. ] You saw what happened, Jacob. You know what I did to him. And I can't do that again, you understand?

[ He lifts his right hand up off the bed a little. ] If someone else can control me here -- if they wanted this. They could pull down all sorts of crap on everyone here. They could end everything. The whole world. I'm not going to let that happen. Anduin is powerful enough to end it before it gets there.

[ He searches Jacob's expression, his glowing golden eyes not giving anything away, opaque and otherworldly. He wonders if the younger man has been kidding himself about being with someone just the other side of human rather than someone who's a whole world away from that. Who is something else entirely. But this is a truth all three of them need to face, sooner or later. ]

I don't need you to understand, sweetheart. But I need you to know that's what's going on.

[ Jacob looks at him, hard, jaw set but he doesn't move away from the warm hand that settles on him, doesn't fight away from the reality of the words. He saw, he saw the aftermath too, stayed with Anduin even if his heart was actually with Hellboy, wherever he'd gone in the cold dark hours. Whatever he'd put himself through before they'd both found their way back here. And Jacob knows he will never, ever make peace with himself for not having gone back to Hellboy, for staying with Anduin instead, but he'd been unable to rip himself in half to watch over both of them. Hellboy would have told him to go to Anduin, and so he had, but he knows it was not the decision he wanted to make.

His eyes don't even flicker when the stone hand lifts from the thin mattress, they don't leave Hellboy's face, trying to understand. He can't, because he doesn't know, he hasn't been told what the real story is behind that hand, what Hellboy's fate is supposed to be apart from some sort of doom-bringer. He's removed enough from the facts that they make no impact on him, and even if he knew them, it wouldn't make a difference. Maybe Anastasia knew, maybe she had all the facts, and saw beyond them anyway, to this man who deserved love and kindness just as everyone else does, or maybe she didn't, and loved him because she saw who he was.

As he looks into Hellboy's eyes, if Hellboy looks into his, maybe he can see the waiver in them, the water gathering in them, the hurt in his heart. Jacob has never, at any point, been able to keep a bloody thing he cared for. His mother, his grandmother, Pearl, the man he thought Roth was, that damn bird, his freedom. He has lost every single thing he felt he could keep ahold of, and he won't allow something else to be taken from him. He won't let it come to that.

He doesn't say the words, because Hellboy will tell him no, will tell him that it has to be this one way. As an assassin, Jacob knows that the death of one saves the lives of many, and he has resorted to it so many times over the last decade. But those people were evil people, people who saw others as things that needed to be controlled, people who saw others as a way to gain power and wealth. People who, in short, did not see others as people at all.

And Hellboy is someone that for so long so many didn't consider a person.

It takes a moment of slow, deep breaths to try and get himself under control, to let the blood return to his fingers where he's squeezed his knuckles white, not to let the tears escape. Eventually, he swallows all of that, trusts his voice not to tremble. ]

I won't lose you.

[ It's not what he wants, at all, that crumpling and tightening of Jacob's expression, the drawing in of something that's usually so free and easy for him. It seems to run through the younger man like he's the one with the mortal wound, like something vital is draining out of him, leaving raw cold pain behind. It feels like a loss, even as it's a clear indication of something being built.

Heart aching in sympathy, emotions knotted in his chest, Hellboy holds his gaze. He recognises the core of loneliness that has appeared in small ways during their time together, the grief that keeps Jacob fighting when he'd otherwise give up, the sorrow that had brought him to tears when he'd told him he was worth more than a fuck to be thrown away. It reminds him of being a kid again, always on the outside looking in, gripping so hard to what little he had that the thought of letting it go was impossible. ]

Hey. Jacob. [ He reaches up to set his palm against Jacob's cheek. ] I'm not going anywhere if I can help it. I'm gonna fight as hard as I can so it doesn't have to happen.

I know.

[ He lets out a breath as the hand rests against his cheek, and he lets the words ease the fare of pain and anger. He knows Hellboy wouldn't just curl up and die, that he would fight and keep fighting if there was any hope left. It's something to hold on to, and Jacob will do. He knows Anduin too, that Anduin wouldn't go to that extreme unless there was no other options.

So he lets himself relax, unfurl a little, and moves back down to nestle up against Hellboy's side, trying to settle himself again, trying to move beyond that stone in his stomach, to settle down again. Hellboy was trying to sleep, and he should try to himself, once the air is clear.]

Are we alright? About the contract?

[ It's not mended. That much is clear by the tension still set in Jacob's shoulders and the way he seems to gather himself before settling back down. But Hellboy doesn't know what else to do, what else he can offer besides the inevitable truth.

He doesn't want to lie, and there aren't many words that can make "I have to die if it means everyone else survives" feel better. So he doesn't try to offer any, just lets his hand fall and gathers Jacob up again when he lies back down, his own expression still taut and shadowed, the tip of his tail twitching restlessly, unseen, above the floor. ]

What? Oh. Yeah. [ He lets out a breath and tries to push all the other stuff aside. ] Yeah, that's alright. As long as you're okay.

[ It's not an easy thing to get over, not in the space of a few moments, probably not in a few weeks or months. Maybe not ever. Jacob can understand the concept of killing someone in order to better the world, it's what he fights against every day back home. But knowing that someone good, someone you care about, might unwittingly be a weapon like that? It's hard to accept and even harder to acknowledge Hellboy's plan might be the right one.

But for the moment, Jacob feels like the time that decision might have to be made is a long, long way away. There's no point in lingering on it. It's just another thing that reinforces how he feels about this place. Whoever is making these things happen, bringing these things about? He has to remove them.

Not just for everyone else here, but for far more selfish reasons.]

Me? I'll be alright. I'm much tougher than you give me credit for.

[ Hellboy can't blame him for the defensiveness of those words. It's not an easy thing to grapple with, especially when you're the kind of person used to solving problems, as he thinks Jacob is. He brushes his thumb over the younger man's shoulder, studying what he can see of his expression. ]

I know. I mean more.. if this guy hurts you, I'm gonna be paying him a call.

You are, without a shadow of a doubt, a true gent.

[Jacob laughs, the last little bit of tension unwinding for a moment, and he turns his head just so he can press a kiss or three against Hellboy's hand.]

My brave and handsome protector, defending my virtue. Anduin won't hurt me, and if he did, it wouldn't be his intention.

[ Hellboy snorts, amused, at that idea, pleased more by the fact that Jacob's still feeling affectionate than the idea of him being any sort of knight in shining armour. He rubs the backs of his knuckles against the younger man's whiskers, then lets his arm fall back at his side. ]

C'mere. [ He tips his head towards his own chest, indicating that Jacob should climb up on top of him if he wants, he knows he's a warm presence in the bed and he wants the younger man to spread himself out so he can get rid of that night-time chill still lingering on him. ] Lemme warm you up.

[ Jacob's affection doesn't wane as easily as all that, and considering what has come to pass already in the short time they've been in Duplicity, it's unlikely that it will do. No one can see the future of course, but Jacob is loyal and protective of those he cares about, unless they betray him. Hellboy has shown no indication that he will, and so Jacob will be at his side come what may.

He is feeling warmer now, shrugging off a layer as best he can as he moves to that favoured position against Hellboy, straddling the wider set of hips. ]

I thought you'd never ask.

That's more like it.

[ He all but purrs the words, pleased, though Jacob's till got a few too many layers on in Hellboy's opinion. Now they're back to a more relaxed place, he can feel those more chaste nights catching up with him. He rubs his palm over the younger man's hip and down the length of his thigh. ] Better?

A little bit...

[ It has been too long. Jacob has missed those hands on him, the heat that is something more than the natural warmth that radiates from Hellboy. He presses in closer still, fingers moving to the back of Hellboy's head and curling into his hair, pressing their mouths together.

The familiar taste of him, the press of his lips, it's a balm to all the troubles and worries that have piled in on him so heavily lately. As his other hand trails over Hellboy's chest, feeling the heartbeat hammer against his fingers. Its reassuringly strong, just like the rest of him.]

Need more skin touching. A lot more skin touching.

[ After so many years alone, arriving at Duplicity has felt a little like stumbling across an oasis in the desert, and Hellboy thinks he might be forgiven for feeling a little greedy. A grateful groan rises up the back of his throat when Jacob kisses him, his left hand tightening on the younger man's thigh as need and desire surge up through him.

He doesn't need to voice his agreement to Jacob's words, rolling his hips up instead underneath him as he leans up to capture his mouth again, ignoring the blankets sliding off onto the floor. ]

[The lift of Hellboy's hips is magnificent, a pressure against the back of his thighs just where he needs it, groaning against the other man's mouth before his hand moves further down, palming himself through the front of his trousers.

Along with the kiss? The familiarity of the room, the smell of the place- cigarettes and booze and damp and sweat and them? It's everything he misses when he doesn't have it, and it makes his body thrum with desire.]

[ It's useful that Hellboy doesn't tend to sleep in anything, though the slide of Jacob's clothed ass over his bare skin is good enough to be frustrating. Between increasingly desperate kisses, he hooks a fingertip into the waistband of his pants and gives them a pointed tug before sliding his palm up under his shirt, seeking edges that will give way to skin underneath.

More touching indeed. He groans and reaches up above his head to wrap his right hand through the iron bars of the headboard, as if he needs something to hold on to just to ground him. ]

Off. [ He breathes the order against Jacob's mouth. ] Better be naked right now.

[ If he really lost himself to it, those iron bars wouldn't stand a chance, but Jacob doesn't think about that. Not when he has that command making his body hot and cold all over, anticipation making his movements a little less polished than normal. It's almost like he's drunk on the possibility of sex with Hellboy, intoxicated by what he's gone without.

So he strips, as best he can, pulling the shirt off and the t-shirt that's been under it, chest revealed, and then lifts himself up off Hellboy's lap to work on the jeans.]

I should have asked or else what?

[ Jacob says, although he's already working the trousers and boxers under neath off in one smooth motion. ]

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